Darul Uloom Trinidad & Tobago

QUESTION:

As Salaamu Alaikum,

I am reaching out because I need sincere Islamic advice regarding my current marriage and living situation. I am experiencing circumstances in my husband’s home that have become very difficult for me, and I am unsure what I should do according to Islam.

The house in which my husband and I are living is in a poor and deteriorating condition. There are rotten floorboards and other problems with the house, and I do not feel that the environment is safe or healthy for me. The condition of the house has caused me a great deal of stress, and I no longer feel comfortable or secure living there.

Another major concern is that my husband’s non-Muslim brother is living in the same house. I do not feel safe or comfortable sharing the household with him, and I feel my husband is not adequately considering my concerns and feelings about this situation.

There have also been incidents that have made me feel that my privacy and personal boundaries are not being respected. For example, I found my detergent cup in my husband’s brother’s bucket of detergent after I had previously kept it in my own bucket of dirty clothes, which contained my personal clothing. This made me very uncomfortable and concerned about my privacy.

I also feel that my husband does not properly consider my feelings when decisions are being made about the house. When matters concerning the home arise, I feel that he often follows what his sister tells him to do rather than properly discussing the matter with me and considering my wishes as his wife.

This has caused me to feel as though I am not being treated or regarded as a wife in my own home. I want my husband to listen to my concerns, protect me, consider my feelings, and provide a safe and suitable living environment.

At this point, I feel unheard, unsupported, and unsafe in the home, and I do not know what my Islamic rights are in this situation or what I should reasonably expect from my husband regarding housing, privacy, safety, and consideration.

I also currently do not have suitable alternative accommodation available to me. My parents’ home is not presently in a suitable condition for me to return there, and I do not have a job or independent income that would allow me to easily secure suitable accommodation on my own.

I would therefore sincerely appreciate your Islamic guidance on the following:

1. What are my rights as a Muslim wife regarding safe, suitable, and private housing?
2. Is my husband Islamically responsible for ensuring that I have a home where I feel safe and secure?
3. What should I do if I feel unsafe or uncomfortable sharing the home with his brother?
4. Is it acceptable for my husband to allow family members, including his sister, to have significant control over decisions concerning the home when those decisions negatively affect me as his wife?
5. What should I do if my husband does not take my concerns seriously or does not make reasonable changes to the living situation?
6. If the situation cannot be resolved, what options does Islam give a wife who feels that she can no longer live peacefully in the marriage?
7. If separation or khula eventually becomes necessary, what should I do regarding my housing and basic needs afterward, especially since I currently do not have suitable accommodation or an independent income?

I am asking for advice because I genuinely want to understand my rights and responsibilities according to Islam and make a decision that is pleasing to Allah ﷻ.

I would be grateful if you could advise me on the steps I should take and whether someone can assist me with this situation.

JazakAllahu Khairan for taking the time to read my situation and advise me.

Answer:

Wa Alaikum As Salaam                                          

حامدا و مصليا و مسلما باسمه تعالى

Wa’alikumusalaam wa Rahmatullah

We are sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. May Allah ﷻ grant you goodness in this world and the Hereafter and reward you for your sincere concern and effort in seeking to understand the correct injunctions of His perfect Deen.

In light of the circumstances you have outlined and the seven questions you have raised, the respective answers are as follows:

1. What are my rights as a Muslim wife regarding safe, suitable and private housing?

The wife has the right to safe, suitable, and adequately furnished housing, appropriate to the financial standings of both the husband and wife and according to the standard of living reasonably expected in their circumstances. This includes the essential furnishings and household facilities necessary for the wife to live comfortably and with dignity, such as suitable bedding, seating accommodation, and other basic household amenities.

The wife also has the right to private housing and accommodation. If they are of sufficient financial standing, and the husband can afford it, the wife is entitled to completely separate housing, free from the in-laws of both the husband and wife, and any other person dwelling therein or intruding upon her privacy.

If the husband cannot provide separate housing altogether, his responsibility will be fulfilled if he provides the wife with a separate private area within the larger house where she is able to keep her belongings safe and where none of her husband’s family members can enter or intrude. This separate area must include sleeping, bathroom and cooking facilities in accordance with what is reasonably expected from those of their social standing.

2. Is my husband Islamically responsible for ensuring that I have a home where I feel safe and secure?

Yes. The husband is Islamically responsible for providing his wife with suitable accommodation in which she is safe and secure, including protection of her person, privacy, and belongings. These safety measures should be present in a manner that conforms to their financial standings and are free from factors that can cause legitimate harm to the wife.

In your scenario, sharing the household with your brother-in-law is a means of causing legitimate harm and it is the responsibility of the husband to provide a solution.

3. What should I do if I feel unsafe or uncomfortable sharing the home with his brother?

As explained in the answer to Question One, the wife is entitled to private housing. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide the necessary accommodation to prevent her from being harmed by sharing the home with his brother. Therefore, in your situation, your husband must at least accommodate you in separate quarters from the larger house, in the manner previously explained under Question One. If he provides the necessary accommodation but the harm caused by his brother persists, you, as the wife, possess the right to demand other accommodation.

If the husband is not financially capable of providing a separate structure in such a scenario, his responsibility can also be fulfilled by renting suitable accommodation for you.

4. Is it acceptable for my husband to allow family members, including his sister, to have significant control over decisions concerning the home when these decisions negatively affect me as his wife?

The Noble Qur’aan teaches us, “Men are responsible for the care and management of women.”  [Surah An-Nisā : verse 34]

The husband is therefore responsible for the management and safeguarding of his household. This responsibility includes managing and organising the affairs of those under his care, as well as protecting and safeguarding them.

Therefore, although your husband may consult his family members and seek their advice regarding matters concerning the home, he should not surrender significant control over household decisions to them in a manner that compromises his responsibility towards you, particularly when doing so negatively affects you or compromises your legitimate rights.

Bearing this in mind, your husband is also entitled to expect your obedience concerning his decisions in permissible matters relating to the marriage and its affairs. However, this authority is not unrestricted. As established by the jurists, the conduct of one responsible for others must be based upon their welfare and benefit. As such, decisions concerning the home should be made by the husband with consideration for your legitimate interests and welfare, and he should not allow the preferences or decisions of other family members to result in harm or injustice towards you.

5. What should I do if my husband does not take my concerns seriously or does not make reasonable changes to the living situation?

It may be that your husband is unaware of the Islamic injunctions concerning the responsibilities and obligations he is required to fulfil towards you as his wife. If this is the case, you should raise the matter with him in a respectful manner and encourage him to seek the necessary knowledge regarding the rights that are due to you. We recommend that you and your husband read the work entitled ‘A Gift to the Husband and Wife’, a translation of the work ‘Tuhfa-tuz-Zawjayn’, authored by Maulanah Ashraf Ali Thanwi R.A.

If, after being made aware of these responsibilities, your husband continues to disregard your concerns or fails to make the necessary changes, you should seek the assistance of a trustworthy and knowledgeable person who can address the matter with both of you. The purpose of doing so should be to clarify each spouse’s rights and responsibilities and to facilitate a suitable resolution.

If the matter remains unresolved, then both parties should each appoint a suitable arbitrator from their respective families to assist in resolving the dispute. If the matter remains unresolved, particularly where an established right of yours is being denied or legitimate harm continues, the matter should then be referred to the appropriate Islamic authority for guidance regarding the appropriate course of action.

6. If the situation cannot be resolved, what options does Islam give a wife who feels that she can no longer live peacefully in the marriage?

If the husband is failing to fulfill the rights that are due to his wife, and sincere efforts to resolve the matter have not been successful, she is not required to remain indefinitely in a situation in which her legitimate rights are being denied.

The matter should first be addressed through reconciliation and attempts to have the husband fulfill his responsibilities. If he is unwilling to do so, he should be requested to release her from the marriage through divorce. If he refuses to do so, she may seek separation through khul’ah from him. If he also refuses khul’, and the circumstances constitute recognised grounds for dissolution, she may refer the matter to an appropriate Islamic authority to consider annulment (Faskh) of the marriage.

7. If separation or khula eventually becomes necessary, what should I do regarding my housing and basic needs afterward, especially since I currently do not have suitable accommodation or an independent income?

In view of the circumstances you have described, it would be advisable that the question of your accommodation and financial support be addressed as part of the overall process of resolving the marital difficulty, rather than leaving these matters until after the possible separation has occurred.

If separation or khul’ah eventually takes place, your housing and basic needs generally remain the responsibility of the husband during the period of ‘iddah. After the ʿiddah, your former husband is generally no longer responsible for your personal maintenance. However, if you are genuinely unable to support yourself, and you remain unmarried after the waiting period has ended, the responsibility for maintaining you falls upon your father. If he is not capable then it falls upon those relatives upon whom your maintenance is Islamically obligatory, according to the applicable Sharʿiah rulings.

Since you presently do not have suitable accommodation or an independent income of your own, these practical matters should be examined properly and addressed before any possible separation takes place. If necessary, suitable temporary accommodation should be arranged with the assistance of trustworthy family members or other reliable people so that you are not left in a situation of hardship or insecurity.

Therefore, you should not assume that you would simply be left without housing or basic necessities after the marriage ends. Your circumstances should be assessed by a qualified Islamic authority to determine who is responsible for your maintenance and accommodation at that stage.

And Allah Alone Knows Best.

08/10/26

(Mufti) Siddique Mohammed

Checked and Approved By:

Mufti Waseem Khan حفظه اللّه

Head Mufti Darul Iftaa Darul Uloom Trinidad and Tobago

 ألأحكام الشرعية : “( مَادَّة ١٨٤) تَجِبُ السُّكْنَى لِلْمَرْأَةِ عَلَى زَوْجِهَا فِي دَارٍ عَلَى حِدَتِهَا إِنْ كَانَا مُؤْسِرَيْنِ ، وَإِلا فَعَلَيْهِ إِسْكَانُهَا فِي بَيْتٍ مِنْ دَارٍ عَلَى حِدَتِهِ بِهِ الْمَرَافِقُ الشَّرْعِيَّةُ ، وَلَهُ جِيْرَانٌ بِحَسَبِ حَالِ الزَّوْجَيْنِ”

“(مَادَّة ١٨٥) لَيْسَ لِلزَّوْجِ أَنْ يُجْبِرَ الْمَرْأَةَ عَلَى إِسْكَانِ أَحَدٍ مَعَهَا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَلَا مِنْ أَوْلادِهِ الَّذِينَ مِنْ غَيْرِهَا سَوَى وَلَدِه الصَّغِيْرِ الْغَيْرِ الْمُمَيِّرِ”

“( مَادَّة ١٨٦ ) إِذَا أَسْكَنَ الزَّوْجُ امْرَأَتَهُ فِي مَسْكَنٍ عَلَى حِدَتِهَا مِنْ دَارٍ فِيْهَا أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَقَارِبِهِ فَلَيْسَ لَهَا طَلَبُ مَسْكَنِ غَيْرِهِ إِلَّا إِذَا كَانُوا يُؤْذُوْنَهَا فِعْلاً أَوْ قَوْلا…”

“(مَادَّة ۱۸۸) يُفْرَضُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ مَا تَنَامُ عَلَيْهِ مِنْ فِرَاشٍ وَلِحَافٍ وَمَا تَفْتَرِشُهُ لِلْقُعُوْدِ عَلَى قَدْرِ حَالِهِمَا ، وَلا يَسْقُطُ عَنْهُ ذَلِكَ ، وَلَوْ كَانَ لَهَا أَمْتِعَةٌ مِنْ فِرَاشٍ وَنَحْوِهِ ؛ وَعَلَيْهِ أَيْضًا مَا يَلْزَمُ مِنْ سَائِرِ أَدَوَاتِ الْبَيْتِ ، وَمَا تَتَنَظَّفُ وَتَطَيَّبُ بِهِ الْمَرْأَةُ عَلَى عَادَةِ أَهْلِ الْبَلَدِ. “

(Al-Ahkaam Ash-Shar’iyyah fil Ahwaal Ash-Shaksiyyah, Al-Fasl Ar-Raab’I fii Taqdeeril Kiswa wa-Suknaa, pg 73 -74, Daar Ibn Hazm 2007)

“(مادة ٢٨٤) نَفَقَةُ الْعِدَّةِ وَالسُّكْنَى لا يَسْقُطَانِ ، وَلَا يَبْرَأُ الْمُخَالِعُ مِنْهُمَا إِلَّا إِذَا نَصَّ عَلَيْهِمَا صَرَاحَةً وَقْتَ الْخُلْعِ”

(Al-Ahkaam Ash-Shar’iyyah fil Ahwaal Ash-Shaksiyyah, Al Baa bAth-Thaani fil Khul’, pg 97, Daar Ibn Hazm 2007)

“مادة (٣٩٦) يَجِبُ عَلَى الأَبِ نَفَقَهُ وَلَدِهِ الْكَبِيرِ الْفَقِيْرِ الْعَاجِزِ عَنِ الْكَسْبِ …. وَنَفَقَةُ الأُنثَى الْكَبِيرَةِ الْفَقِيْرَةِ وَلَوْ لَمْ يَكُنْ بِهَا زَمَانَةٌ مَا لَمْ تَتَزَوَّجْ”

“(مَادَّة ٤٠٤ ) إِذَا بَلَغَ الْوَلَدُ حَدَّ الاكْتِسَابِ…. وَإِذَا اسْتَغْنَتِ الْأُنثَى بِكَسْبِهَا مِنَ الْخِيَاطَةِ أَوِ الْغَزْلِ فَنَفَقَتُهَا فِي كَسْبِهَا إِنْ وَفَتْ بِحَاجَتِهَا ، وَإِلا فَعَلَى أَبِيْهَا إِثْمَامُهَا”

(Al-Ahkaam Ash-Shar’iyyah fil Ahwaal Ash-Shaksiyyah, Al Baa Ath-Thaani fi maa Yajibu ‘alal waalidayn, Al- Fasl Ar-Raabi’ fii An-nafaqa Al-Waajibah lil Abnaa ‘alal Aabaa, pg 128 and 131, Daar Ibn Hazm 2007)

الدر المختار : ” (وكذا تجب لها السكنى في بيت خال عن أهله) سوى طفله الذي لا يفهم الجماع وأمته وأم ولده (وأهلها) ولو ولدها من غيره بقدر حالهما كطعام وكسوة وبيت منفرد من دار له غلق . زاد في الاختيار والعيني : ومرافق، ومفاده لزوم كنيف ومطبخ وينبغي الإفتاء به بحر (كفاها) لحصول المقصود. هداية .وفي البحر عن الخانية : يشترط أن لا يكون في الدار أحد من أحماء الزوج يؤذيها”

رد المحتار : ” قوله : (خال عن أهله إلخ) لأنها تتضرر بمشاركة غيرها فيه ؛ لأنها لا تأمن على متاعها ويمنعها ذلك من المعاشرة مع زوجها ومن الاستمتاع، إلا أن تختار ذلك؛ لأنها رضيت بانتقاص حقها هداية.”

” قوله : (بقدر حالهما) أي : في اليسار والإعسار ، فليس مسكن الأغنياء كمسكن الفقراء كما في البحر”

” قوله : (ومفاده لزوم كنيف ومطبخ) أي : بيت الخلاء وموضع الطبخ بأن يكونا داخل البيت أو في الدار لا يشاركها فيهما أحد من أهل الدار”

” قوله : (من أحماء الزوج ) صوابه من أحماء المرأة  كما عبر به في الفتاوى الهندية عن الظهيرية؛ لأن أقارب الزوج أحماء المرأة، وأقاربها أحماؤه اهـ “

(Raddul Muhtaar, Kitaab At-Talaaq Baab An-Nafaqah, Matlab fii Maskani Az-Zawjah, Vl. 5, pg. 324-326)

رد المحتار : “فإذا أسكنها في دار وكان يخرج ليلاً ليبيت عند ضرتها ونحوه وليس لها ولد أو خادم تستأنس به أو لم يكن عندها من يدفع عنها إذا خشيت من اللصوص أو ذوي الفساد كان من المضارة المنهي عنها، ولا سيما إذا كانت صغيرة السن فيلزمه إتيانها بمؤنسة، أو إسكانها في بيت من دار عند من لا يؤذيها إن كان مسكناً يليق بحالهما، والله سبحانه أعلم”

(Raddul Muhtaar, Kitaab At-Talaaq Baab An-Nafaqah, Matlab fii Kalaam ‘alaa Al-Mu’nisah, Vl. 5, pg. 329)

الدر المختار : ” وحقه عليها أن تطيعه في كل مباح يأمرها به”

رد المحتار : ” قوله : (في كل مباح) ظاهره أنه عند الأمر به منه يكون واجباً عليها كأمر السلطان الرعية به ط.”

)Raddul Muhtaar, Kitaab An-Nikaah Baab Al-Qasm, Vl. 4, pg. 385)

احكام القرآن:”فَتَضَمَّنَ قَوْلُهُ: {الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ} قِيَامَهُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالتَّأْدِيبِ وَالتَّدْبِيرِ وَالْحِفْظِ وَالصِّيَانَةِ لِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بِهِ الرَّجُلَ عَلَى الْمَرْأَةِ فِي الْعَقْلِ وَالرَّأْيِ وَبِمَا أَلْزَمَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مِنْ الْإِنْفَاقِ عَلَيْهَا.فَدَلَّتْ الْآيَةُ عَلَى مَعَانٍ: أَحَدِهَا: تَفْضِيلُ الرَّجُلِ عَلَى الْمَرْأَةِ فِي الْمَنْزِلَةِ وَأَنَّهُ هُوَ الَّذِي يَقُومُ بِتَدْبِيرِهَا وَتَأْدِيبِهَا, وَهَذَا يَدُلُّ عَلَى أَنَّ لَهُ إمْسَاكَهَا فِي بَيْتِهِ وَمَنْعِهَا مِنْ الْخُرُوجِ وَأَنَّ عَلَيْهَا طَاعَتَهُ وَقَبُولَ أَمْرِهِ مَا لَمْ تَكُنْ مَعْصِيَةٌ”

Ahkaamul Qur’aan, Baabu Haqq az-Zawj ‘Alal Mar’ah wa Haqqil Mar’ah Alaz-Zawj, Vl. 2, pg. 67, Al-Ihyaa ut-Turaath Al-‘Arabii, 1985)

“(المادّة : ٨٥) : التَّصَرُّفُ عَلَى الرَّعيةِ مَنُوطٌ بِالْمَصْلَحَة

….أي أَنَّ تَصَرُّفَ الرَّاعِي فِي أُمُورِ الرَّعِيَّةِ يَجِبُ أَنْ يَكُونَ مَبْنِيًّا عَلَى الْمَصْلَحَةِ، وَمَا لَمْ يَكُنْ كَذَلِكَ لَا يَكُونُ صَحِيحًا.وَالرَّعِيَّةُ هُنَا: هِيَ عُمُومُ النَّاسِ الَّذِينَ هُمْ تَحْتَ وِلَايَةِ الْوَلِيّ”

(Durarul Hukkaam, Sharh Majalla-tul-Ahkaam, Maadah 58, Vl. 1. Pg. 53, DKI 2010)