Breaking of ties
Assalaamu Alaykum.
I was wondering, when Allah Subhaana wa taala says in the Quran not to break what He swt has joined does this means the relations of family alone or all things which He swt has joined? If so what are some other examples of things which Allah swt has joined that we shouldn’t break?
‘And those who break the covenant of Allah after its confirmation and cut asunder which Allah has ordered to be joined and make mischief in the land; (as for) those, upon them shall be curse and they shall have the evil (issue) of the abode.’ (Surah ar-Rā’d, 13:.25)
I’m a revert and face evil from some of my family. Somethings I face are lies and backbiting to make others hate or treat me badly or hurt me, and insults like calling me mad, etc. plus other evils like poisoning my pets and defiling my toothbrush or towel, putting impure body fluids on my pillow/sheets, trying to give me disease, etc…
I know, patience, trust…it’s just difficult trying. Anyways how does one break ties with my family? so I will know what NOT to do.
Wa Alaikum Assalaam,
الجواب و بالله التوفيق
In the verse, ‘And who cut off relations which Allah has ordered to be joined’ does not only refer to family relations. It also includes ‘cutting’ of relations which one is required to have with his Lord, Allah, and the Messenger of Allah. It means that one must not cut off his relationship with Allah by disobeying Him, and going against his commands. Similarly, one must not break his relationship with his Prophet by going against his teachings and not following his way. (Ma’ariful Quran, Vol.5, Pg.213, Farid Book Depot, New Delhi).
One must not break relations which Allah has ordered him to maintain/join which includes the relation with another, father, brother, sister, all other blood and non-blood relatives, neighbours and others which have been instructed by Allah and His Messenger.
It is sad to know that you are encountering such bad actions from your family members. May Allah bring an end to your problems.
With respect to dealing with these matters, I believe that you should confront those whom you believe are involved in these actions with a view of correcting the situation. Remaining silent, becoming angry and disconnecting yourself from these family members, will not help. Speak to those who are doing these actions and let them know how these are affecting you.
In this matter, you can even solicit the help of a senior or elder member of the family, or one who is respected by the members of the family. In this way, instead of doing anything that may result in breaking family ties like ‘not talking’ or ‘not interacting’ with close family members, you will be trying to solve the problem by speaking to them to bring unity and harmony in the family unit. Insha Allah, once this is done with wisdom and understanding, it will bring good results.
And Allah Knows Best.
Mufti Waseem Khan.
28/1/16.
Ok, Appreciate the ref. (Ma’ariful Quran, Vol.5, Pg.213). It cleared up my understanding of the word relations. It’s defined by the presence of rights. Another question then, so what are the rights that my family have over me?
Well, pertaining to the way the treat me, I’ve got to bear.
thanks for your reply.
Assalaamu Alaykum.
Wa Alaikum Assalaam,
الجواب و بالله التوفيق
Generally, parents are to be obeyed in that which does not oppose the teachings of Islam. They must be treated kindly, respected and loved, and when in need, you should extend help to them. If they reach old age and need care, then you must care of them and attend to them.
As a child, one must not disrespect them in words or actions. One must not raise his voice over theirs in speech, so as to disrespect them. One must not insult his parents. He must not rebuke them and be harsh to them. Even if they are non-Muslims, they must still be treated with kindness, love and care.
If they cause harm to you, you must not retaliate by causing harm to them. You should forgive and overlook, and inform them in a good manner that you are affected by what they do. If they show enmity to you, do not show enmity to them. Based on what you have mentioned, if these are coming from your parents, then try to avoid confrontations with them. If you are old enough and earn an income, living separate from them may be the best.
As for blood brothers and sisters, one is required to maintain good relations with them as far as possible. Do not adopt an attitude of returning ‘a bad for a bad’, but as best as possible, try to return a good to one who has done bad. If situations of wrongdoings against you continue, then try to separate yourself from those who continue to treat you bad without severing ties.
In all situations, do not behave towards them as they behave towards you. Try to solve the problems in the way, I have previously mentioned. If this does not work and they continue to treat you badly, then separate yourself from them to avoid confrontations, without severing ties. In this way, you will be able to avoid harms caused to you without severing family ties. In the Ahadith, the Prophet (S.A.S) has laid great stress on maintaining family relations, this is why one has to be cautious in not doing anything to break it.
And Allah Knows Best.
Mufti Waseem Khan.
4/2/16.