QUESTION:
As Salaamu Alaikum,
When I was 14 years old, my cousin and I used to like each other. One day I was with him, my brother and my other male cousin and both of them knew about us. My brother and male cousin were teasing us and joking around. I’m not sure but I think my male cousin asked me and him the ijab o qabool, but in a sense of teasing because that’s what they were doing at that time. And then he said, congrats, you may now kiss the bride. I am not sure about the ijab o qabool and whether he asked the cousin I like, and me, something or not. I feel like he might have but I’m not sure because I was laughing and I was shy. The only thing I remember was him saying, you may now kiss the bride and me laughing. Sometimes, I feel like it happened, sometimes I’m not sure. I asked my male cousin who asked this question, and he says he doesn’t remember anything. I asked my brother and he also don’t remember anything. The reason I think it happened is because after all of this, two years later, I heard the Hadith stating that nikkah done in jest is valid. Not knowing what to do I asked the cousin I used to like to text me a divorce message. I didn’t tell him why and made an excuse that I’m playing truth and dare with my friends and they gave me a dare. After I insisted a couple of times, he sent me a message. I recently found out that the divorce didn’t count because I framed it as a challenge and didn’t tell him the truth. I have asked some religious scholars and they all said that no nikah took place but I’m worried what if it took place at that moment and now, we all forgot about it, after all it was six years ago and the memories are blurry and vague.
This would mean that If I get married, I would be living a life of zina. Please tell me what I should do. I follow Hanafi fiqh and so the presence of wali is not mandatory and he is my cousin.
Jazakallah.
ANSWER:
Wa Alaikum As Salaam,
Based on what you have written, it shows that it is not evident/established that a Nikah was done with you and your cousin.
You mentioned statements like:-
- ‘I am not sure but I think my male cousin asked me and him the Ijab o qabool’
- ‘I am not sure about the Ijaab o qabool and whether he asked the cousin I like and me something or not’.
- ‘The only thing I remember was him saying ‘you may now kiss the bride’.
These are statements which indicate that you are doubtful about what took place and what was said. Marriage being a very sacred contract and a strong binding relationship between two strangers, cannot come about through words and statements that are doubtful.
It must be established through firm and well-established statements that bring about certainty, conviction and doubtlessness. Based on what you have described about yourself in the above statements, these do not bring about conviction and certitude. They only bring doubts which are not sufficient to establish a solid contract like that of marriage.
Along with this, you also stated that your male cousin cannot remember anything about the marriage. Your brother also cannot remember anything. Therefore, nothing can be proven when you, your brother and your cousin cannot remember anything regarding that marriage which you have asked about. So, no marriage has taken place, and whenever you wish, you can go ahead and marry someone.
And Allah Knows best
Mufti Waseem Khan
16/2/2023