QUESTION:
As Salaamu Alaikum,
I’m a 20 years old practicing Muslim girl. There’s this guy at the university that I attend whose family used to live in our neighborhood when I was a child. I recognized him by his name and his ethnicity. I told my mother about him and she identified him and said that she had breastfed him for many weeks when he was infant.
I realized from my understanding of Islam that he is my foster brother through suckling. I could not help but feel like he’s my long-lost brother, a sibling that I always wanted. I introduced myself to him in the university and told him that he is my foster-brother. He responded warmly and told me that I am her sister. I always refer to him as brother and he always refer to me as sister. In just a few months’ time our relationship has grown like that of relatives, such that I greet him every day in university with a hug and kiss to the cheek and spend most of my off time in between classes with him at his apartment which is near the University.
At his place we study together and play video games. When I’m at his place I do take off my headscarf and relax like I am in my own home because he’s my mahram, and I trust him. I have started keeping some of my stuff like clothes, hygiene products etc. at his place because I’m there so often. When I told my mother that I am close with him and that we treat each other like siblings, she became very angry and assumed that I am having an affair with him. She thinks this milk-relation is non-sense and there is no value to it. She has ordered me to completely avoid him. I have refused to do that. I have still maintained relationship with him. Is there any sin upon me to disobey my mother on this matter? Is it permissible for me to maintain close relationship with him despite disapproval of my mother?
ANSWER:
Wa Alaikum As Salaam,
With respect to what your mother said that she breastfed him when he was an infant for many weeks, then it should be known that the infant must breastfeed from a woman anytime between the period from birth until 2 years for fosterage to be evident/established.
Once the above is established, then fosterage is evident and this person would be considered as your foster brother, and hence, your Mahram.
However, precaution is still needed in the way you interact with him. Before becoming aware that your mother suckled him, you were total strangers to each other. There was no closeness, no relation, no family ties between both of you, and you did not grow up in the same household where you interacted with each other. When this has been the case, then it is essential for you to be very careful in the way you conduct yourself with this person.
Although your mother has nursed him, she is not close to him and does not feel comfortable with him. So, although a Mahram relationship is established, yet no closeness, bond or relation has been built with him. As such, you must understand the feelings of your mother, and obey her in what she is asking you to do.
Knowing that he is a foster brother, doesn’t mean that you must be so open with him, as being totally alone with him in privacy. Both of you are young adults, and for most of your life, you were known to be total strangers to each other. On account of this, there was no understanding of being related to each other as a Mahram.
You never saw each other as a Mahram nor did you have that understanding. It is only recently you discovered that he was connected to you through fosterage, and you now regard him as your foster brother with whom marriage is permanently prohibited. However, Modesty/shyness (Hayaa) on your part demands that you do not be totally open and free with him as if he was your blood – related brother whom you grew up with in the same house. Hayaa requires that you avoid being alone with him in total privacy, since you do not know his nature, conduct and entire background.
As such, you should be obedient to your mother and avoid having an open and free relationship with this person.
And Allah Knows best
Mufti Waseem Khan
18/05/2023